A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
LOL Jesse James
I’m an ACMG Guide! WOOHOO!
by JESSE JAMES ….
I always wanted to be a guide. Oh, the glory. The pride. The fame (well, maybe not).
But as you might guess from my experiences teaching newbie friends, I wasn’t quite ready for my ACMG guide exam. I wasn’t even ready for the pre-test. Maybe not even for the pre-pre-test. I could climb hard enough, sure. And I knew all about knots and anchors and pulleys. What was holding me back was a dollop of schadenfreud. That wouldn’t do for an ACMG guide. Imagine I put a newbie client on Burning Down the Couch (5.11d) for her first climb. Not only would I lose my coveted ACMG badge, I might be locked up in an asylum. Because that sh*t would be crazy.
No matter. I soon realized you don’t need to be a guide to be a guide. One day in Skaha as I was rope-soloing a route, some weekend warriors at the base hollared up at me that I was too close to their terrified top-roper nearby. ‘I’m a guide,’ I hollared down, and that seemed to shut them up.
Later that week I found myself at the Doctor’s Wall in skaha, gazing up in amazement at the ultra-classic route The Spell. Three ambitious climbers eyed the line greedily from the base, itching for the tick. But I leaped in front of everyone; ‘I’m a guide.’
A few years ago on the Northeast Ridge of Bugaboo Spire my friend and I had to pass five parties, including one group from Texas who were stuck on pitch one for three hours (it was their first time trad climbing – who could blame them?). In their soft Texas drawl they told us to ‘get comfortable.’ I shot back: ‘I’m a guide.’ We passed them as they hurled obscenities up the wall. I also tried to pass the Smileys later that same day, who were real guides, but they were having none of it. ‘Reckless!’ shouted Mark Smiley. The word hung in the cool mountain air for a moment, pregnant with condemnation. ‘Reckless A$%^#@!’ he shouted again. I turned to Janelle, his wife, with whom I was sharing a station, and nodded: ‘I’m a guide.’
Nowadays I don’t need any special occasion to bust out the three magic words. Passing someone on the trail – ‘I’m a guide.’ Strutting into Zephyr Cafe in Squamish; ‘I’m a guide.’ Taking a shower: ‘I’m a guide.’
And when my climbing karma finally catches up with me, you can bet I’ll be banging on the Pearly Gates, shouting to Saint Peter: ‘Dude, let me in, I’M A GUIDE.’[/quote]
I’m an ACMG Guide! WOOHOO!
by JESSE JAMES ….
I always wanted to be a guide. Oh, the glory. The pride. The fame (well, maybe not).
But as you might guess from my experiences teaching newbie friends, I wasn’t quite ready for my ACMG guide exam. I wasn’t even ready for the pre-test. Maybe not even for the pre-pre-test. I could climb hard enough, sure. And I knew all about knots and anchors and pulleys. What was holding me back was a dollop of schadenfreud. That wouldn’t do for an ACMG guide. Imagine I put a newbie client on Burning Down the Couch (5.11d) for her first climb. Not only would I lose my coveted ACMG badge, I might be locked up in an asylum. Because that sh*t would be crazy.
No matter. I soon realized you don’t need to be a guide to be a guide. One day in Skaha as I was rope-soloing a route, some weekend warriors at the base hollared up at me that I was too close to their terrified top-roper nearby. ‘I’m a guide,’ I hollared down, and that seemed to shut them up.
Later that week I found myself at the Doctor’s Wall in skaha, gazing up in amazement at the ultra-classic route The Spell. Three ambitious climbers eyed the line greedily from the base, itching for the tick. But I leaped in front of everyone; ‘I’m a guide.’
A few years ago on the Northeast Ridge of Bugaboo Spire my friend and I had to pass five parties, including one group from Texas who were stuck on pitch one for three hours (it was their first time trad climbing – who could blame them?). In their soft Texas drawl they told us to ‘get comfortable.’ I shot back: ‘I’m a guide.’ We passed them as they hurled obscenities up the wall. I also tried to pass the Smileys later that same day, who were real guides, but they were having none of it. ‘Reckless!’ shouted Mark Smiley. The word hung in the cool mountain air for a moment, pregnant with condemnation. ‘Reckless A$%^#@!’ he shouted again. I turned to Janelle, his wife, with whom I was sharing a station, and nodded: ‘I’m a guide.’
Nowadays I don’t need any special occasion to bust out the three magic words. Passing someone on the trail – ‘I’m a guide.’ Strutting into Zephyr Cafe in Squamish; ‘I’m a guide.’ Taking a shower: ‘I’m a guide.’
And when my climbing karma finally catches up with me, you can bet I’ll be banging on the Pearly Gates, shouting to Saint Peter: ‘Dude, let me in, I’M A GUIDE.’[/quote]
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
This Jesse guy is one weird dude. He seems to get off on people thinking he's an A$%^#@.
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DirtBagClimber
- Casual Observer
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Sat Jun 14, 2014 8:02 am
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
Het gets off attention and we are giving it to him plus he just got 100 plus views on his website from people that dont like him, just from posting here haha ! So we can either ignore him when he post his next epic or learn from his stupidity and hope that his only climbing partner is a solo device! Anyways enjoy the humour life is short and lets hope he does not hurt anybody. What a gumby !
Oli
Oli
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
hey guys, I'm Jesse girlfriend and partner for almost 7 years. I don't normally do forums or anything, but I just want to say that Jesse is a great person (and obviously a very talented writer).
I don't understand where all the negativity came from. To me the article is clearly satirical. But I suppose that is because I know him so well.
I've noticed when I judge people it is usually a reflection of myself, so I suppose that may be the case here...
I would like to see a climbing community that is supportive, positive and understanding, not full of judgement and negativity (especially toward someone you don't personally know).
We are all humans, let's enjoy this life.
I don't understand where all the negativity came from. To me the article is clearly satirical. But I suppose that is because I know him so well.
I've noticed when I judge people it is usually a reflection of myself, so I suppose that may be the case here...
I would like to see a climbing community that is supportive, positive and understanding, not full of judgement and negativity (especially toward someone you don't personally know).
We are all humans, let's enjoy this life.
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
Is this not the reaction he is looking for?
It seems he likes to take the piss out of people..
Wait a tick, my apologies.. He likes to take a piss on people.
It seems he likes to take the piss out of people..
Wait a tick, my apologies.. He likes to take a piss on people.
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thebigchin
- Junior Member
- Posts: 98
- Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2005 8:29 am
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
I actually got a kick out of all of his stuff.
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
Having admin privileges on this site, I can see a little more information than most people. Both Jesse and his girlfriend have used at least two different user ID's here - which is weird but no big deal. More unsettling to me, having done some light googling on real names, is that both have styled themselves as "guides" elsewhere online, but AFAIK don't have any qualification. I am not a guide and have no aspiration to be one, but I respect the effort people put in to obtain ACMG qualification and I don't think it is in the broader climbing community's interest to have people making false claims to be guides.
Re: A Guide to Sandbagging Newbies and Sportclimbers
His tantrums are as boring as my years old popcorn ceiling. Will remove it as soon as I can....
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